Random pouty post.
Jan. 26th, 2008 09:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amanuensis11.The subject line in the spam email was Two asian girls inserting fish in c**t. (They spelled it out.) And I said, "You know, I might actually like to see that. Because yes, I have goldfish!porn fantasies! And yet I know that whatever link you have in that email, it is not going to take me to a site where I can actually view two women of Eastern origin engaging in goldfish bestiality--it'll just sell me shares in a Nigerian diamond mine or put malware on my computer. Go back to subject lines about penile enhancement products and STOP TEASING ME."
2. I have learned that the phrase "Who's your daddy?" means something different than I thought it did. I thought the question implied, "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well." I have discovered (not from real life! From a comedy routine) that this phrase may be uttered by men in the midst of copulation, which at first fit my expectations--I mean, maybe he wants to go to her father and ask for her hand in marriage or something? But then I discovered that a man asking this question is expecting an answer along the lines of "You are, dearest," which had me shrieking EWWWWWWW!! Oh, for the days when I lived in ignorance. *shudders* And they think slashers are weird.
3. I would make a poor vegetarian. I hate beans. I don't mean that they're vile or that I gag if one passes my throat, I just hate the way they're expected to rise to the occasion and function as meat substitutes. They're boring. They aren't tasty; who the bleep is promoting these as tasty? They're flavorless blobs of paste. And this is coming from someone who likes to eat plain raw tofu by the cube. Yes, there are exceptions; I count limas as vegetables rather than beans because they have that strong cabbage-y smell and flavor, just like broccoli and cauliflower and I like all of those. And a few dishes have squeaked by my radar; that black-bean-and-corn-and-pepper-and-spicy-oil dish manages to combine two of my "blah" vegetables (beans and corn) and transform them into something yummy (but that's mostly the spicy oil that does the trick). But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit. Grr. *orders another bowl of Coney Island chili without beans*
This post will either generate a host of "no, really, these are good" bean recipes or opinions on goldfish bestiality. I welcome both.
2. I have learned that the phrase "Who's your daddy?" means something different than I thought it did. I thought the question implied, "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well." I have discovered (not from real life! From a comedy routine) that this phrase may be uttered by men in the midst of copulation, which at first fit my expectations--I mean, maybe he wants to go to her father and ask for her hand in marriage or something? But then I discovered that a man asking this question is expecting an answer along the lines of "You are, dearest," which had me shrieking EWWWWWWW!! Oh, for the days when I lived in ignorance. *shudders* And they think slashers are weird.
3. I would make a poor vegetarian. I hate beans. I don't mean that they're vile or that I gag if one passes my throat, I just hate the way they're expected to rise to the occasion and function as meat substitutes. They're boring. They aren't tasty; who the bleep is promoting these as tasty? They're flavorless blobs of paste. And this is coming from someone who likes to eat plain raw tofu by the cube. Yes, there are exceptions; I count limas as vegetables rather than beans because they have that strong cabbage-y smell and flavor, just like broccoli and cauliflower and I like all of those. And a few dishes have squeaked by my radar; that black-bean-and-corn-and-pepper-and-spicy-oil dish manages to combine two of my "blah" vegetables (beans and corn) and transform them into something yummy (but that's mostly the spicy oil that does the trick). But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit. Grr. *orders another bowl of Coney Island chili without beans*
This post will either generate a host of "no, really, these are good" bean recipes or opinions on goldfish bestiality. I welcome both.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2008-01-26 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:09 pm (UTC)*has appropriate/inappropriate icon*
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From:on "Who's your daddy?"
Date: 2008-01-26 02:58 pm (UTC)Re: on "Who's your daddy?"
Date: 2008-01-26 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 02:59 pm (UTC)I always thought "Who's your daddy?" meant "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well." too.
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:13 pm (UTC)OMIGOD I HATE YOU. I am making little horking noises in my throat. I may never eat again.
I always thought...too. OH NOW I LOVE YOU FOR ADMITTING IT! THANK YOU!
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:12 pm (UTC)Although spaghetti with white clam sauce, extra garlic, and chick peas is a thing of beauty.
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:15 pm (UTC)*knows full well that some call them "garbanzo beans" and they may very well be counted as beans but is PRACTICING OWN RULES* *loves chick peas on Greek salads*
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:13 pm (UTC)I just want to say I was laughing so hard from your entry I actually had to hold on to something. ^^;;
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:18 pm (UTC)Oh, man, I think that was in Lace. I should have loved that scene--I was reading it and thinking, "They wrote my fantasy, yayyyy!" --But then he got it out of her by sucking it back into his MOUTH. EWWWWWWW! LIVE GOLDFISH IN YOUR MOUTH! EWWWWWW! Ruined it.
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From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-01-26 07:42 pm (UTC) - Expand(no subject)
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:19 pm (UTC)http://pcdnv4.xtube.com/watch_video.php?cv=0&idx=1&v=985orgfy7ss&cl=XBMaRkiJoqU
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From: (Anonymous) - Date: 2008-01-26 05:39 pm (UTC) - ExpandRe: Can't... look.... away...
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:21 pm (UTC)*Has PKU, and yes, we do live fine without proteins from meat.*
The only thing you need, is artificial amino acids...
Spikey
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:27 pm (UTC)Seriously, more power to ya. Just don't expect me to embrace the prospect.
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:28 pm (UTC)What I do not love is the implication that any man would think that I want to have sex with my own...god, I can't even WRITE it. *shudders*
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:Turtle porn is somehow more disturbing than fish porn!
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From:You and me both, sister.
From:Re: You and me both, sister.
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:29 pm (UTC)Hm. Is it more or less disturbing/intriguing than those 80s gerbils+electrical tape myths?
But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit.
Beans, bah. I'm allergic to them all so I embrace my carnivorism and welcome you to do the same. All hail tasty cuts of dead charred animals in delicious sauces!
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:34 pm (UTC)What. What?
Now I want details. Please? *knows she will regret asking for it...*
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:31 pm (UTC)- I once saw a (Japanese?) porn movie where a girl inserted a boiled egg in her vayjay and then was able to push it out with her inner muscles only. WHAT THE...
- I, too, found out of the "who's your daddy" thing quite late. I thought it was just a matter of translation - there's no such thing as "daddy" in that sense in Italian slang. But I'm sort of happy I was not alone in that, because... er... ew. (said the girl who wrote actual Claire/Nathan fic but is totally freaked out by the implications IRL)
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:45 pm (UTC)-...Okay, part of me thinks "I could probably do that," and the rest of me thinks, "But that would just be a PARLOR TRICK, it's not like it's SEXY or anything."
-As you say: big diff between Claire/Nathan fic and IRL! Exactly!
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:33 pm (UTC)Also, beans do NOT replace certain essential amino acids. I know a vegan rabbi (yes, a rabbi) who has to add amino acids to his food to make up the difference. He also eats chicken-shaped and flavored seitan at his seder instead of a nice roast chicken....
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:51 pm (UTC)Meanwhile, this sounds something like: One such online recipe (http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=630144)
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Date: 2008-01-26 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 04:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2008-01-26 04:31 pm (UTC)Right then - I guess it's EEEww either way
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Date: 2008-01-26 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 04:44 pm (UTC)Do you eat lentils at all? There's a lot of dishes that you can do to both beans and lentils that are pretty tasty.
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Date: 2008-01-26 04:53 pm (UTC)There's a crushed lentil soup a local Middle Eastern restaurant does that's admittedly yummy! That's partly because of the spices. But I still don't seek out lentils.
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Date: 2008-01-26 04:45 pm (UTC)AGREE W/ n. 3. Beans are gross (i don't like peas either). :( everyone in my family LOVES them and i'm like, WTF no.
I thought the question implied, "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well."
ahahaha I had no idea what it meant, at all.
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Date: 2008-01-26 04:54 pm (UTC)Oh, good! More evidence that the phrase is absurd! :D
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Date: 2008-01-26 05:03 pm (UTC)Also: Beans pretty much require heaps of cheese in order to be edible. In my opinion. Also, I like them well enough, but they really all taste the same, so if I've had a lovely black bean soup today, I really don't want a lovely lentil-and-carrot soup tomorrow, because my taste buds are going to tell me they're exactly the same food.
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Date: 2008-01-26 05:14 pm (UTC)*nods* Everso.
And isn't everything better with cheese? Even on the side, if not actually on top of? (like cake, chocolate, pudding, etc.)
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From:Today is my responding day.
Date: 2008-01-26 05:04 pm (UTC)2. Freud. And you've never had a man who liked to ask you that mid-thrust? I'm in love with your rationale tho. That's so awesome. "I will then seek him out..." HA! Typically when that phrase gets used, any actual father is The Last Thing you want. Or I want, at least. I think that kind of phrase is more likely to be spoken by men of certain ethnicities than others. If you listen to the older jazz standards, it turns up in lyrics, actually. I'm thining of Nina Simone, Put a Little Sugar in My Bowl, in particular. I also had a latino boyfriend who liked to make me call him Papi in bed. I suppose it's the same thing that drives James/Harry slash. I find incest a strange thing. It's taboo in almost every society, and simultaneously one of the most common sexual fantasies that people don't like to own up to.
3. Beans beans, good for your heart....
I think the trick to beans is that they much be highly seasoned. I'm not saying you should give up meat. Even if you could get all your protein from beans, you're highly unlikely to get enough iron or Bvitamins from any vegetarian diet. I was a vegetarian for several years; I started eating meat again after finding out that I have a genetic medical condition which keeps me on the verge of anemia perpetually. Yeah, you can take iron pills, but they're large, un-tasty, and come with a list of poisoning symptoms. Red meat is the best source of iron; the iron in leafy greens is very hard for your body to break down and absorb. There's no need to feel any kind of peril for your (im)mortal soul for eating meat. Hell, if the Dalai Lama can eat veal, I can have some steak.
Obligatory Bean Recipe: Rinse one can of cannellini beans in cold water until the water runs clear. Drain well then put in a bowl with some garlic (fresh or roasted), lemon juice, olive oil. Puree/mash until it's as smooth as you like it. Top it off with whatever fresh herbs you like (parsely, thyme, oregano) and a drizzle of oil. Eat with chips, bread, pita, crudites.
Re: Today is my responding day.
Date: 2008-01-26 05:22 pm (UTC)Fictional incest--the kind I read about, the James/Harry, the Draco/Lucius, etc.--is somehow different from any implication that the man who would want to be my lover would also want me to imagine him as my father. Ew ew ew again.
Your obligatory bean recipe is similar to the fava bean dish that gets by my radar as well! Simple truth is, olive oil, garlic, and lemon juice can top just about anything and be marvelous.
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Date: 2008-01-26 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 05:18 pm (UTC)Ow.
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Date: 2008-01-26 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 05:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:two girls, one goldfish
Date: 2008-01-26 05:27 pm (UTC)I think you feel about beans the way I do about meat -- grudgingly acknowledge its usefulness to a healthy diet, but it's too disgusting to want to eat everyday. I have no moral problems with eating meat ... it's the nauseating reality of a hunk of animal flesh that gets me down.
I think beans are so yummy that I can't even think of a recipe to offer, because ... how can they not be yummy? Unless they're prepared super-badly, I guess.
Re: two girls, one goldfish
Date: 2008-01-26 05:49 pm (UTC)I think it's possible that--if this theory is sound--I might be an undertaster and you're a supertaster. There's an implication that people with fewer taste buds (undertasters) want stronger-tasting foods and turn up their noses at "blander" ones--this might be why I quadruple the spices called for in every recipe, and you (with more tastebuds, a supertaster) find beans yummy. ^_^
Re: two girls, one goldfish
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From:WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES IS MY MOTHER?
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Date: 2008-01-26 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-26 08:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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