Random pouty post.

[amanuensis1]

1.The subject line in the spam email was Two asian girls inserting fish in c**t. (They spelled it out.) And I said, "You know, I might actually like to see that. Because yes, I have goldfish!porn fantasies! And yet I know that whatever link you have in that email, it is not going to take me to a site where I can actually view two women of Eastern origin engaging in goldfish bestiality--it'll just sell me shares in a Nigerian diamond mine or put malware on my computer. Go back to subject lines about penile enhancement products and STOP TEASING ME."

2. I have learned that the phrase "Who's your daddy?" means something different than I thought it did. I thought the question implied, "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well." I have discovered (not from real life! From a comedy routine) that this phrase may be uttered by men in the midst of copulation, which at first fit my expectations--I mean, maybe he wants to go to her father and ask for her hand in marriage or something? But then I discovered that a man asking this question is expecting an answer along the lines of "You are, dearest," which had me shrieking EWWWWWWW!! Oh, for the days when I lived in ignorance. *shudders* And they think slashers are weird.

3. I would make a poor vegetarian. I hate beans. I don't mean that they're vile or that I gag if one passes my throat, I just hate the way they're expected to rise to the occasion and function as meat substitutes. They're boring. They aren't tasty; who the bleep is promoting these as tasty? They're flavorless blobs of paste. And this is coming from someone who likes to eat plain raw tofu by the cube. Yes, there are exceptions; I count limas as vegetables rather than beans because they have that strong cabbage-y smell and flavor, just like broccoli and cauliflower and I like all of those. And a few dishes have squeaked by my radar; that black-bean-and-corn-and-pepper-and-spicy-oil dish manages to combine two of my "blah" vegetables (beans and corn) and transform them into something yummy (but that's mostly the spicy oil that does the trick). But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit. Grr. *orders another bowl of Coney Island chili without beans*

This post will either generate a host of "no, really, these are good" bean recipes or opinions on goldfish bestiality. I welcome both.

Comments

[son-of-darkness.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... tell me more about this goldfish porn fantasy of yours... I once saw a video of two asian women shoving live eels up their arse by way of a funnel... that was... oddly fascinating o_0

on "Who's your daddy?"

[fuschia.livejournal.com]

The reason my cestfic loving self got hooked on "Veronica Mars" is that Veronica's father asks her that very question not once, but twice, in the pilot episode, with everyone being fully aware of the implications...

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha! Well, what about a bean and goldfish dish? That could be vegetarian, if you're one of those people who says I-am-vegetarian-except-for-fish.

I always thought "Who's your daddy?" meant "Please tell me the name of your father, because when I am finished doing whatever it is that is impressive here, I will then seek him out and demonstrate how very superior I am to him, thus impressing him as well." too.

[annastesia.livejournal.com]

LOL :D

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'll write it sometime! It just won't be fanfic; it'll be original. ^_^
*has appropriate/inappropriate icon*

Re: on "Who's your daddy?"

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I completely missed the implications! One of the reasons I love that show--er, loved, I hate that I have to speak of that show in the past tense--is the father-daughter relationship. Daddy Mars is just such a great dad! "Now, where's my turkey pot pie, woman?" said with a noogie to the head.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Enh. For the most part I think beans are just good at absorbing flavor and adding bulk to a dish.

Although spaghetti with white clam sauce, extra garlic, and chick peas is a thing of beauty.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

what about a bean and goldfish dish

OMIGOD I HATE YOU. I am making little horking noises in my throat. I may never eat again.

I always thought...too. OH NOW I LOVE YOU FOR ADMITTING IT! THANK YOU!

[ch-ar-me.livejournal.com]

I really cannot offer opinions on either the beans (since I don't eat those either), nor on the goldfish (though I think I encountered that on a book. Somewhere. An Arab prince of some sort with a concubine. IDEK.) and really, that 'Who's your Daddy?' thing has puzzled me too when I first learned of its meaning.

I just want to say I was laughing so hard from your entry I actually had to hold on to something. ^^;;

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Is that Salvador Dali same-self-slash in your icon??

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Chick peas are peas! THEY DO NOT COUNT.

*knows full well that some call them "garbanzo beans" and they may very well be counted as beans but is PRACTICING OWN RULES* *loves chick peas on Greek salads*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

nor on the goldfish (though I think I encountered that on a book. Somewhere. An Arab prince of some sort with a concubine. IDEK.

Oh, man, I think that was in Lace. I should have loved that scene--I was reading it and thinking, "They wrote my fantasy, yayyyy!" --But then he got it out of her by sucking it back into his MOUTH. EWWWWWWW! LIVE GOLDFISH IN YOUR MOUTH! EWWWWWW! Ruined it.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Also there is hummus. And falafel.

Cuban black bean soup can be pretty damned tasty, especially on a chilly day. But to me that's an example of beans being good at picking up the flavor of seasonings (which is why I like them in chili... makes it stretch further).

[coell.livejournal.com]

Sorry, couldn't find Asian girls doing it ... just plain ole' crazy white girls:

http://pcdnv4.xtube.com/watch_video.php?cv=0&idx=1&v=985orgfy7ss&cl=XBMaRkiJoqU

[ch-ar-me.livejournal.com]

...And I totally forgot that part. Yuck.

...what if it went down his esophagus?!

[gospikey.livejournal.com]

But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit.

*Has PKU, and yes, we do live fine without proteins from meat.*

The only thing you need, is artificial amino acids...

Spikey

[effie-chan.livejournal.com]

I take it you're not a fan of Severitus incest, eh? ;D

[matitablu.livejournal.com]

Lol, now I can't unsee that XD Also because I think that Dalì would totally go for self slash. guh, what did I just say?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

LIVE WIGGLY FISH IN YOUR MOUTH. UGH UGH UGH.

[no-mad-skillz.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Or, alternatively, "Please tell me the name of your father and then ERASE HIS NAME FROM YOUR MEMORY AND REPLACE IT WITH MINE because he is not the man that I am if he has not already taught you this."

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*hits*

Seriously, more power to ya. Just don't expect me to embrace the prospect.

[cordelia_v]

*tracks comments to post, in case someone on your flist links to the really hot Asian/goldfish porn*

[ch-ar-me.livejournal.com]

*gags* very bad mental image T___T

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I LOVE SEVERITUS INCEST. I also love Malfoycest and Pottercest.

What I do not love is the implication that any man would think that I want to have sex with my own...god, I can't even WRITE it. *shudders*

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

goldfish!porn

Hm. Is it more or less disturbing/intriguing than those 80s gerbils+electrical tape myths?

But the next person who tells me I can give up meat and get all the protein I need from beans will get hit.

Beans, bah. I'm allergic to them all so I embrace my carnivorism and welcome you to do the same. All hail tasty cuts of dead charred animals in delicious sauces!