amanuensis1 | Drabble Night, July 17, 2004

Five drabbles tonight. The theme was "Urban legends." Was fun! Most are from real life but we also invented one that might exist in the wizarding world.

BTW, did you know that http://www.snopes.com has the most annoying music chip?

Moody/Draco: The fake lie detector. (challenge by

cluegirl)

"You've done it now, haven't you, lad. Took the Mark and now you serve Himself, eh?"

"No! I--" The purple fog surrounding Draco's head gave off a resounding clang.

"Ah, that was your first lie, then." Actually, the charmed fog was set to sound whenever Draco gave any negative answer. Snape had been delayed with the veritaserum, but Moody had a knack for alternative tactics.

Thirty minutes and a dozen dozen clangs later, Moody had all he needed.

"You're no rebel, no seditionist, my lad. What you are is a naughty boy who needs to be spanked."

"I'm not!"

CLANG.

Moody grimaced. Time to dispel that charm.

But to his surprise, Draco fell to his knees, clasping Moody's robes. "You're right. I need to be punished. Please, sir!"

How it got from there to a bare-bottomed Draco over his lap, bottom crimsoning under his hand, Moody never quite remembered.

Ron/Draco: The Castratus hex. (challenge by

rosesanguina)

Hermione goggled. "Ron?"

"He did it! The fucking ferret did it! Castratus hex! I'll get him to reverse it, then I'm KILLING him!"

Hermione's hands were at her mouth. "Ron, there's...no such thing as the Castratus hex! It's just a joke!"

"Then what the fuck is THIS?"

She hadn't expected him to drop trou that quickly, but she gasped, then gulped, then steadied herself and said, "I'd say that's a healthy example of the mons veneris, Ron."

"The WHAT?"

"Ron. There is no Castratus hex. There is, however, a Transexualis hex. Have you failed to notice that you have breasts?"

Before Ron could respond, the door banged open. Draco Malfoy entered, smirking.

"Well, Weasel--" Draco stopped, and his eyes grew nearly as large as Hermione's.

"Fuck, Weasley." He licked his lips. "You look...rather fit."

Snape/Twins: Bubble gum infested with spider eggs. (challenge by me)

They come just before tea-time, a perfectly innocent time of day, and George's pocket always has a good-sized brick of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in it. George doesn't offer it round at tea, though.

In fact, they rarely get to tea.

Tea's not so important, no, not when there's a war on and there are innocent faces you must wear like masks, and have so little time to wear your real ones, and Fred and George can't stay long with Snape--it's crucial that it just look like a visit to an old favorite professor (the twins laugh about that). The three of them use their stolen time efficiently, locking the door of the bedroom and checking the room for snooper charms before shedding their clothing and entwining on the bed like some twelve-limbed fantastical beast, kissing, thrusting, coming...marveling how wartime has made such strange bedfellows of them all.

The real purpose of their visit is dealt with so quickly, after all.

They leave the gum for Snape. It seems to them a clever way to smuggle the controlled Acromantula eggs to the Potions master. If someone accused them, after all, they could laugh and say, "That's an urban legend."

James/Sirius/Remus/Peter, Dead Man On Campus (the "if your roommate commits suicide you automatically get an A" myth) (challenge by

rosesanguina)

"Well, it can't be me," said James. "You keep telling me how I've got the champion arse of the four of us."

"No, we said you ARE the champion arse of the four of us. I still can't see why it can't be Snivellus," whined Sirius.

"Because he's not even in our house, let alone our fucking room. Do let it go, Padfoot." Remus threw a Chocolate Frog at him. "So, no one's going to sacrifice himself for the rest of us? Throw himself off the Astronomy Tower and insure we all get top NEWTs?"

"Bugger NEWTs." Sirius ate the frog. "You three would miss my tongue."

"And you've all said how much you love the sounds I make when I come," Peter said, batting eyelashes uncovincingly.

"And I'm the one who brews the best lube," finished Remus.

They all stared about morosely. Then:

"Got it, lads!" Sirius leapt up. "We'll try to shag each other...to DEATH!"

It never came close to death, but they all agreed later it had been a fabulous go, trying.

Harry/Neville, Alligators in the Sewer (challenge by

florahart) (A/N: I saw that challenge and my brain started humming the filksong, "Black Widows in the Privy," so, I think that's why this drabble resulted.)

"Neville." Harry had stopped in his tracks, disreputable liquids sloshing about his feet and pantscuffs. "It isn't that I don't believe you. It's just that I'm having a hard time believing that it really could have been Lucius Malfoy you saw fleeing down here. I mean, Neville, the sewer. Lucius Malfoy. You really think he'd ever use a sewer as a bolt-hole?"

Neville bit his lip. Said nothing.

"I'm just saying that it might have been someone else. You understand?"

Still silence.

A shuffle from Harry. "Look, I'm...going back up."

"You afraid?"

Harry stopped. "Of what?"

"You know. Things. The alligators."

Harry's mouth opened. "Oh, Neville. That's just a myth."

"Used to be."

And Filbert struck.

It was really no more sound than a splash and a gasp, and then another splash. Neville was grateful. Didn't want to have to remember Harry's screams.

After all, he'd loved him.

Current Music: "Drifting Away" (yes, more DDR. I'm hooked.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From: (Anonymous)

1. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! That's a delight.

2. And from there it degenerated into a rather sloppy threesome. None of them were quite sure how Hermione ended up as the top, but they took a vote, and none had reason to complain, so what the hell.

3. I don't know why I should try cogent criticism when these are all so perfect, so instead I'll wonder what kind of Bazooka-style comics would be wrapped around Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. Is Drooble the candymaker, a trademarked character, or the sound the person makes while blowing? -- The GUM, ya perv. ;)

4. XXXenophile Vol. 6, page 37, panels 4 & 5. ("[huff] Did we... [puff] did we fail to please you?" "No--! But now we're going to have to do it all over again! ... [collective grin])

5. -- Oh! You BITCH! All that delicious funny stuff, and you have to end it with that evil, wonderful little homicide! And so many motives went through my head... first and foremost, of course, that Neville wants the franchise's ancillary merchandising rights.... (ducks, runs)

Fantastic stuff tonight!

-------------
Sobriquet :)

From:

Semolina Pilcher, Pornographic Priestess

Drabble Night, July 17, 2004

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