Personal thoughts on some recent hue & cry. (If you haven't heard about it, doesn't really matter.)

[amanuensis1]

Why do nudists advocate nudism?

It's not, I hope, because that way they get to LOOK AT NEKKID PEOPLE ZOMG. It's because they think the cultural taboos on nudity are silly. Who decided what body parts we must cover up? Why are bare buttocks obscene, and bare feet are just feet? Why do some cultures think it's immodest to expose one's hair? Are certain parts sexual only because we've fetishized them to be so? Do we like it better because we have?

If these parts were not taboo, would it be taboo to touch them? To exist in a polite society we have a standard that people are generally not touched without their consent. But we seek that consent often. We extend our hands for others to take them and shake them. We open our arms and lean in for a hug. During meaningful conversation, we seek to deepen communication by reaching to touch one's arm, one's shoulder. We are a society that does touch and considers it acceptable to do so as long as the other person sees it coming, does not withdraw or speak against it, and as long as the touch is on a body part not considered taboo.

So what if we took the taboo off body parts?

If I were out in public with you and you were someone I knew and trusted and you ran your fingers through my hair, I would be in touch-related ecstasy. I would sigh, "Ooh, do that some more," and if you continued, no one would run over and arrest us. They might think we're odd, but because you are not touching a body part considered naughty or dirty, we could have a field day. Fondle my breast or buttock or genitals in public, however, even if they're covered with clothing, and there will be cries of, "Stop that! There are children here! You can't do that in public! Etc.!" Why is that obscene, but the other is not?

If I proposed that we do a social experiment where we treated the public touching of sexual body parts with the same politeness we do non-sexual body parts, would people think that was interesting? Refreshing, liberating? They might. Could there be disapproval? What about people who did not want to participate? Would they fear I might label them as "hopelessly stuck in society's arbitrary rules," and be unhappy at such negative labelling? Might people think I just wanted to get my hands on their naughty bits?

They might. I would be hesitant to propose such an experiment.

Comments

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

where in my experience it is hard for women to be involved and acknowledged as people with something to contribute to their mostly-male hobby

That's interesting--in my experience cons are places where I've felt less objectified for being female, where I feel like "we are nerds united across gender!" But I don't pretend that's everyone's experience.

[elsajeni.livejournal.com]

I think some cons and some specific activities are probably better about this than others. My main nerd hobby is tabletop role-playing games, and in my experience that specific nerd-hobby arena is a particularly bad one in terms of coping with the existence of girls.

Slightly Off Topic -- Gaming and Girls

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Dunno how much of that is a local thing, or at least a specific GM thing. Bluntly, given how bad a lot of the GMs were when I was cutting my teeth in gaming (late 1970s - mid 1980s), I'm surprised there are as many female gamers as they are.

Way back when I was a young gamer, I was considered a minor god by my fellows, as I had a girlfriend who also played D&D! Huzzah! They didn't realize that their style of gaming had nearly driven her out of it, and I basically met her just in time. I liked running cinematic-style games, with an emphasis on character, action, the good guys winning, and latitude in the rules and the running. It's a game, it's supposed to be fun!

This aspect seemed to elude my male contemporaries, who were by and large either cold tacticians, rules wonks, or just not very imaginative. And everything was a dungeon-based monster bash. I distinctly remember one game I was not involved in, but several of my regular players were. My girlfriend and I basically came by and said Hi to our friends, who looked bored as the GM described how their party had just encountered five lammasu. Vastly powerful quasi-Mesopotamian sky spirits, just kinda hangin' out there in the dungeon. The party tried communicating with them to no avail, and after a few minutes they just threw up their hands and left the room. At which point the GM said, I am not kidding, "Well, they kinda go away, I guess."

C'mon, ladies, feel the epic majesty! Don't you want to be part of that magic?

As time went on, I met a lot more women who played RPGs, and in fact came to prefer them as players in the games I ran, because they cared about getting the story right. Better characters, better role-play, often better strategy and tactics, and an appreciation for a storytelling style and the coolness of the game world (I tended strongly towards RuneQuest). The last formal game I ran, back in 1988-89, created characters we still revisit.

Not being up on current tabletop gaming, I have to believe and hope that your experience will change. There are good gamers out there; you've just gotta find the right game.

Re: Slightly Off Topic -- Gaming and Girls

[ladysevsnape.livejournal.com]

I'm a female gamer, and the last group I was in loved the fact that i'd play but hated that I was good at it. O.o It was strange... I've been gaming longer than some of the players had been ALIVE, I know the rules inside and out, how to bend them, how to break them etc. But these were a bunch of (mainly) teenaged guys, who resented the fact that I could role play better than they could... they ended up making me not wanna play...

I still do though so it's all good.