FIC: Animagus In One Week (Money-Back Guarantee!) NC-17, Sirius/Remus/Harry, Snape/Lucius

[amanuensis1]

Now that it's been revealed, I shall join the rest of you and post!

My story for merry_smutmas, written as a gift for ringspells, was the simile-laden monster Animagus In One Week (Money-Back Guarantee!) If you'd like to check it out, headers and link lie below. I got the loveliest feedback for this and need to start thanking the people who commented! (And putting together recs from the whole fest, including my gift from srichard!)


Title: Animagus in One Week (Money-Back Guarantee!)
Rating: NC-17
Category: Humor
Summary/Warnings: Smut. Slash. Sirius/Remus/Harry. Snape/Lucius. Slavery. Spankings. Snake sex. Supremely strange similes. Silliness.
For ringspells! Among requested kinks included are non-con/questionable consent and kisses, plus little tastes/implications of bondage, public sex, and breathplay.

(Animagus in One Week (Money-Back Guarantee!))

Comments

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

My housemate printed this out last night and gave it to me as we were walking out the door this morning, basically saying "Here! You have to read this...all the things you don't like in fic, but you'll like them in this one!" *g* And I did!

Very funny (and smutty). And did I mention funny? (...although I actually believe that there *is* an Evil Overlord's Handbook out there somewhere).

Thanks for this: reading it was ever so much better than actually *working* at work. :)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

You carried this around? And read it? Yippee! Wow, I made hard copy status! XD Thank you so much. And your housemate! And yeah, I've read at least one version of those Evil Overlord rules.

[silentauror.livejournal.com]

bwahaha! That was hilarious! I'd like to think that if I'd read it before I know the author, I'd have guessed it was you. There's something devilishly appealing about not-so-innocent-after-all!Harry and you captured it perfectly. LOVED the Snape/Lucius conversations especially. Good stuff! Vintage you. :)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I have vintage now? Oh, wow! XD Thank you so much--I love not-so-innocent-after-all!Harry and your feedback has made me squee.

[titti]

I saw the warning and ran for cover, but when I found out who wrote it I had to read it, and this is so funny. The Lucius/Severus banter had me in tear. And "eww, het", I could almost picture it. LOL

Great fic.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're wonderful. (Icon! Hee!) So glad you overcame the fears and read it! We have nothin' to fear but het, y'know. XD

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

I didn't have a chance to read this story during the fest. Oh my god. My sides are hurting over here, I can not stop laughing and it's all *your* fault, you evil fic-writing vixen, you! :-) What a marvelous tale. I can't imagine anyone but you being able to make sick and hilarious work so well together. Mega squee! :-)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

"Sick" and "hilarious" are the co-qualifiers that make it all worthwhile. You are wonderful, thank you soooo much! So glad you did read it!

[geoviki.livejournal.com]

I loved this!

I also thought it was cool that just about everyone could identify it as yours in the quiz-thingie. Your style is unique and everyone knows it!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

That was seriously one of the most flattering and even a little scary moments I've had in the fandom. The implication that people have read enough of my stuff to recognize it...yeah, it could mean that their first tastes were so scarring that they've never forgotten it, but I'm hoping it's something a little gentler. ^_^

[lady_songsmith]

I should have known this was yours. Only you can make me like so many things I categorically do not like.

But... Furbies?? o.O

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Furbies, baby. It's two syllables and a funny-sounding word and much MUCH catchier than "Cabbage Patch Kid" or "Tickle Me Elmo." And it simply couldn't be "Lego Hogwarts," y'know! ^_~

Thank you so very much!

[monzz.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was amazing. It could have been all dark, but you totally took it in a different direction and tada- one of the funnniest fics I've ever read.

The conversations between Snape and Lucius. Snape *pinching* Lucius. Remus and Sirius begging. Lucius not being able to get it up. The rules about taking a minion to one's bed. THE SIMILIES! And Nagini, the jealous bitch :).

I loved it. We loved it. We love you. Merry Smutmas and a Happy New Year.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

You sweetheart, thank you! The similes were at the same time the most awful and the most fun. And, yeah, I couldn't let it be dark--I just kept giggling every time I thought about it, and decided that that must be telling me something. Thank you SO much!

[fleshdress.livejournal.com]

This was incredible. Hot smut, that was actually very funny as well.

Favourite part had to be Harry taking in the view from the Dark Throne. The Severus/Lucius interludes were hilarious and almost sweet, and I almost felt sorry for poor old Voldemort. It's a tough job being a Dark Lord.

Favourite ridiculous simile: as a Christmastime shopper fighting for the last Furby in the county.

Excellent work.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hee, that simile was the one where I began gibbering, "You've gone too far, you've gone TOO FAR!" Thank you so very much!

[ringspells.livejournal.com]

I just have to say again, I LOVE this! LOVELOVELOVE!! Thank you SO SO SO much for writing this for me!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*HUGS YOU HARRRRRRRRRRD* I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you liked this, mmmmwah!

[soawen.livejournal.com]

*dies repeatedly* Let me count the ways I love you:

- Severus and Lucius, loyal until death (Voldemort's). The pinch! The pinch! Ew, het!

- Remus and Sirius, wrapping poor Voldemort around their, uh, fingers. Sirius complaining about calloused knees!

- Sneaky!Harry yanking Voldemort's, uh, chain (dirty talking, ooooh!).

- And sad, sad Voldie who tries to follow the manual for Dark Lords which has never led to anything but defeat!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hee, I loved throwing in the bit about the calloused knees! And the pinch. I was just waiting for the pinch!

You delight me. Thank you so very much!

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

My god, you're the only author in fandom who can make non con sex with BDSM not for beginners sound entirely, er, not erotic? :) You know how you usually make me insufferably horny during your pr0n scenes, but this time I wasn't even close. Well, except for the part where Sirius was rimming Harry. ;) LOVED Voldemort and his Dark Lord Etiquette, and Lucius and Snape's dialogue interludes. (my GOD that was funny as hell with a friggin cherry on top) The last line, was as always, a straight-knocker. You rule the parody macabre category alwasy always. ;D <333333

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

You sweetie! I don't even mind that it wasn't TEH SEX for you; your compliments are still to die for! Much love and rimming always and alwasy, dearling.

[sor-bet.livejournal.com]

Masterful. I loved the similes, especially the one near the end: "Nimble as a...very nimble thing...." The plot was nicely worked out and wrapped up at the end. The sex was hot. The funny was funny -- it was all perfect! I thought it was great how you worked in the "little tastes/implications" -- they were just barely there, as requested, and yet fit into the story perfectly.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hee, you got the exasperation of the last simile, yay! Thank you for such lovely compliments--you make me grin and blush madly!

[gaeta.livejournal.com]

I am in love with you!

Or maybe I'm in love with your Snape/Lucius.

Voldemort's POV is delightful. The little bits of Remus giving Sirius the evil eye are delicious. But the patrician Lucius and the dour Snape are beyond priceless.

"ew het" indeed!!!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yippee, I'm so glad you liked it! Snape and Lucius were such fun to write. Loved having them as my commentators on all the absurdity! Thank you so much!

[drivebyspammer.livejournal.com]

*spam*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*eyebrow quirks*

Indeed!

[kennahijja.livejournal.com]

This almost choked me with the giggles – you've captured Voldemort's combination of pompousness and ignorance so perfectly, mixed with his, *snicker* ever so slight obsession with the sexual services of his 'pets'.
It was great fun from the less-than-flattering descriptions of Wormtail in the beginning, Voldemort's 'Ahem' when he catches himself obsessing, the stern requirements and decadent perks of eviloverlorddom... all utterly priceless.

And I loved that absolute overkill of submissiveness from Sirius and Remus, that anyone but Voldemort would immediately see for the sarcasm it is, and Voldie so completely oblivious ;). 'Feng Shui' indeed. Bloody brilliant!

And those similes, which are certainly the most priceless thing in the whole fic, and which cracked me up to no end, especially the 'alien symbiote takeover' and the absolute overkill of 'the last Furby in the country'. If I wouldn't already consider you the supreme goddess of fanfic, I'd certainly do so now ;).

Snape and Malfoy (with performance troubles, *snicker*) bickering during sex was just amazing, and I adored Snape accusing Malfoy of risking his 'slender arse' (*grin*) just to be able to get in a final 'I told you so!'.

And I'm still marvelling at how such a hilarious story could be so utterly hot at the same time!

I did see something coming about the mysterious animagus form and Voldemort's (quite obvious) impending downfall, and it worked really well. But what truly got me (and was probably my favourite bit) was the end-end. Harry's 'unnaturally bright' eyes when he's sitting on Voldemort's throne, and the quick all-round cooperation to ward off that particular danger (before he gets to the handbook, *snickers even more*=, and especially Lucius's 'Ew, het'.

I admire your versatility so incredibly much – the way you pull off severe angst, and then turn round to produce something as sardonic and intensely funny like this, using pretty much the same situations... You're a miracle!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Wah, you darling! Feedback like this addicts me. I'm so happy Voldemort's voice seemed to come off in the goofy, too-obsessed-for-his-own-good, SOMETHING'S-gotta-happen-here way that I wanted! And Sirius and Remus being obvious to the reader but not to him. The similes were the essential reason for the story existing, I have to confess. Just needing to watch someone use horrible similes for everything, especially during images that were supposed to be sexy! And Snape and Malfoy were my sort of in-the-booth commentators. You hit on so many things that I liked putting in there myself ("slender arse" and "ew, het" and everyone trying to get Harry off track)--I'm still squeeing! Thank you so, SO much for this wonderful feedback! *smooches you mightily*

[(Anonymous)]

Since Kennahijja give me your favorite Hermione/Snape story to read I´m a really big fan of you. You write wonderful and I´m also waiting of the next story.
Thanks a lot for all the joy (and sometimes also pain) of reading this. Please go ahead.

Thea