Snow White and the Huntsman. Verdict: wait for the DVD.

[amanuensis1]

Saw Snow White and the Huntsman yesterday. I wish it had been better. My disappointment had nothing to do with the performances; everyone's good! Everyone sustained their accents, and I thought Stewart and Hemsworth were particularly good as leads. (It's odd watching Hemsworth play a character who doesn't win every fistfight, isn't it.) The problem was the story (really was nothing we haven't seen before) and the tone, which couldn't decide when the camera framing needed to stay mythical and when to show views meant to frame a more colloquial moment. It was a jarring blend that at times worked against Charlize Theron in particular, and it...well, it was just boring. As in, "Are we staying for the rest of this?" I'll say that I'm glad I did; it did actually get better once the dwarves showed up (the effects for the dwarves were amazing; when I recognized half the actors playing the dwarves and realized they weren't dwarf actors, my jaw dropped) and the story had some nice elements from that point. I did like fairyland (it got the mythical thing right). By the end, though, I just wanted to pluck Stewart in her silver armor right out of that movie and stick her in a Joan of Arc biopic. I'd watch that.

The S.O. and I don't riff films in the theatre unless we have a completely empty theatre, but we have a rule that the previews are fair game and the occasional whispered riff is forgivable. Both of us Avengers-on-the-brain folk managed to make Arc Reactor jokes:

Duracell battery commercial just before the previews, recognizably voiced by Jeff Bridges: "...use the battery trusted by artists everywhere." Me: "And then say F**K BATTERIES and pluck your genius billionaire protégé's Arc Reactor out of his goddamn chest."

Kristen Stewart rides by in armor bearing standard. S.O.: "Put Tony Stark in that armor and he'll be Joan of Arc Reactor."

My favorite two minutes and thirty-nine seconds I saw on that screen yesterday came before the film started. Yeah, thass right, it's a lead-in to today's installment of Jeremy Ruiner Renner, Professional Life-Renner Ruiner:

Shoot, the day before my heart had been pounding just from reading the snippet in Esquire Magazine's Summer Preview for this film which read simply, "Completes Jeremy Renner's metamorphosis into an action star." Watching this I thought I was going to need freaking nitroglycerine pills. (S.O. just chuckled and patted me on the head.)

Comments

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Bit in the paper yesterday - dwarfs in real life planning a protest march over the use of average height people to play dwarves. Their point is that it's like having white actors in black face to play characters written for black actors. I see their point.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

That did occur to me as I was watching. I can imagine how some of the arguments will go on both sides.

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I didn't particularly like Snow White and the Huntsman either. I did enjoy it but it wasn't high levels of enjoyment. and I found the pacing uneven. I actually liked the first half more but that's probably because I was really tired that day and could barely keep my eyes open through the second half. >_> (I really should have had a cup of coffee before going to the cinema!)

I'm totally seeing The Bourne Legacy. :D And omg, it's got Edward Norton, too?! Double yay!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I really wanted to love the film, because I adore takes on fairy tales. This just didn't send me.

I never saw the two Bourne sequels, because Matt Damon just does nothing for me. I don't hate him but I won't see a film for him. Which is why I did see the first Bourne film, because I like action/adventure and it was reviewed well, but the franchise didn't sell me on sequels. NOW it's sold me on them. :D

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Bourne is a film series? Somehow I had no idea. *googles* Oh, so it is and it's based on novels, and damn, Wikipedia says this will be the fourth instalment. I guess I'll need to see the other three before this one, won't I? I will if I have to. ;) (Though I'm not crazy about Matt Damon either.)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I'm not bothering with parts 2 & 3! This looks like it will have plenty of accessibility without having to see anything else.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Basically, it would be as if there were 8 Harry Potter films, and then they made a movie - not based on a JKR book - called Harry Potter Legacy, featuring a totally different kid who goes to school at Durmstrang and is the most amazing wizard in the world. So, yeah...you don't need to see the other three. :)

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Thanks, good to know. I like making informed decisions. :D

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

My new favorite analogy ever! :D

[potterotic.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who really wants a story about that Durmstrang kid?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Ha, no, I'd like it too!

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Played by Jeremy Renner? *g*

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

*wants* And if he is too old to play the kid, I'd be okay with him playing a Durmstrang professor. :P

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

I want to go see the Bourne Legacy with you, because...yes!!

(and totally agreed about Snow White. I wanted to like it. I couldn't)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I KNOW I KNOW! JEREMY WHY IS YOUR FACE TAKING OVER MY LIIIIFE.

Costumes were awesome? It was like...it's a great cosplay template video, could I be satisfied with that? Nnnnnot really.

[(Anonymous)]

Amy's S.O. here. The bag-over-the-head icon is because I have just had plastic surgery to make me look like Jeremy Renner. Unfortunately, his face will be on my body, so more like Jeremy-Renner-and-a-half-XXL. Sigh. It's worth a shot. (twang zzzzzzwhhhhp THAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAK)

And we really did consider leaving. Glad we didn't, but... a movie can be good or bad, but for Cthulhu's sake don't be boring. If you haven't seen this yet, I recommend waiting for the Rifftrax.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Aw, Renner should look so good. :D He should have plastic surgery to look like YOU. Mmmmmmwah.

THE RIFFTRAX. Omigod, you said the magic word. Of course that will be terrific. Write them now! Beg them to do that one!

[tealightwhimsy.livejournal.com]

I sat in the theater thinking, "the only thing wrong with this movie is that it isn't over yet.". I was so bored I yawned at the emotional death scene (and then felt bad about it afterwards). Also, I thought the actors and effects for the dwarves were wonderful but couldn't help feeling annoyed they weren't plays by real little people. It's not as if there is a dearth in little people actors.

On a different note: "Joan of Arc Reactor" FTW

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Kristen Stewart does do a great Death By Apple, but getting there took so darn long.

(I'll tell the S.O.! :D )

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

JESUS CHRIST! My buddy told me about that trailer but I never looked for it. Which is just as well, since it was right before bed. I don't think I actually knew what heart palpitations were until this moment. *breathes*

Score another one for JR. I now have a completely different type.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yup, I've been going after the slender bishie look for so many years I'd forgotten what it was like to stare at laugh lines around the eyes and a little bit of stubble and go HOMINA.

[owens-mom.livejournal.com]

Life ruiner? You are not wrong. Which is why I'm sitting here marathoning The Unusuals (beginning of episode 4, yes please) on Netflix while searching "Hawkeye" on pinterest. Fucking hell.

Also, beard? I'm on board with that. Half naked popping out of a river? Yes please. I never gave a shit about Jason Bourne, but I sure do now.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I'm just on episode 3 of The Unusuals! Oh, my god, this is funny, and yes, is Renner ever gorgeous in this.

It still surprises me how much his look can change. Put him in horn-rimmed geek glasses (oh, god, those pictures, SO CUTE) and he suddenly looks like he could have been cast as Banner and I'd have believed it.

ICON LOOOOOOOVE. Now I want to make my own version:

"Talk to me, Barton."
"Well, sir, I want to peel all your clothes off with my teeth..."
"ABOUT THE MISSION, BARTON."

[owens-mom.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha that would be a fabulous icon.

I'm currently watching his episode of Angel. Oh my god so young!!

I went into the movie with no expectations...just liked Thor and love Joss. My friend said "enjoy the Steve/Tony love!". I watched it and told her I'm sorry, I just didn't see it. After the first viewing Renner wasn't even on my radar.
She directed me toward a S/T fic to help me see the light. It was a great story, that included a whisper of Clint/Coulson, and that was it, down the rabbit hole I fell. I had to see the movie again, and he became JR:LR.

What is with the ring on his index finger? I've seen it in pics, and he is wearing it in Angel. I like it.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I have to keep taking The Unusuals in small doses. I'm still on episode 3 because after about 30 seconds of Renner my ovaries simply cannot take it any longer and I lie there in something like pain. The really, really good kind of pain.

I'm convinced he wears the rings because they draw attention to his gorgeous, gorgeous hands and he likes knowing there are fans just going WAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH over his hands alone, the evil bastard. :D

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Amanuensis!

*glomps in glee*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hi sweetheart! *leaps on*

[goseaward.livejournal.com]

I thought the movie was okay--I could see what it was trying to do, I just thought it didn't do it very well? But, ugh, gorgeous. If it wasn't so expensive to see stuff in theatres I'd recommend people see it there if they want to; the primary enjoyment is in the vfx and it's just not the same on DVD.

I liked it most of all my friends, though. Apparently two of them were at the other end of the row MST3King it very quietly. :D

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I want ALL the dresses. Kristen Stewart's as well as Charlize Theron's! That dress with the little bird skulls was fantastic, but I might have loved the wedding dress with the skeletal-structure poufy shoulders.

[silentauror.livejournal.com]

Right??? I so wanted to like this movie and I just didn't! It was badly paced and it was dull. I remember thinking, huh, I'm way more interested in the apparent love triangle here than in the actual plot - and then they never really resolved said love triangle!!! Like, can a girl get a Snow White/Huntsmen kiss that's conscious, please and thank you! I almost wanted whats-his-name, the other guy, to die and just get out of the way. He was nice enough, but they had zero chemistry.

Charlize Theron is way more beautiful than I realized, but yeah, I agree with your comments about the weird cinematography, too.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I went into it knowing that with Chris Hemsworth playing the huntsman and a title like "SW and the H," there was either going to be no prince or the prince would be a red herring. 'Cos with this kind of film, the huntsman has to be the romantic endgame. (SPOILER ALERT, anyone who's reading) We got that suggested in the events of the kisses, but the ambiguous ending (she's queen, who knows if she'll get romance) didn't give us the full payoff. (That part actually didn't bother me quite so much, since we did get the kisses.)

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

I really wanted to love the fairyland sanctuary wood, but for me it was a little goofy/creepy. I think the tipping point was the mushrooms with eyes. I found that sort of thing charming in hand-drawn animation in Princess Mononoke, but in photorealistic CGI it put me right off.

What I found really interesting was the story's sporadic blurring of the line between reality and belief/delusion. Like, in the Dark Forest, there are actual face-eating monsters, but there are also hallucinogenic spores! Or when we watch Ravenna talking with the magic mirror and then observe her from the POV of her brother, who sees her apparently talking to herself -- it is because the brother does not possess magic, and therefore cannot see the mirror-entity, or is it because Ravenna is actually interacting with a projection or something she's imagining?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Ooh, the mushrooms with eyes! They gave me a nice shiver. You're right, those were almost too effective. And yeah, the scene with her brother and the mirror was well-played.