"Woman's weapon," my ass.

[amanuensis1]

I read an interesting fic this morning, and it made me think: if you're going to serve someone poisoned food--the kind that needs cooking and assembling--how can you tell if the food's cooked to palatability before you serve it? You can't very well taste it and see. So you'd have to put the poison in at the end. But then you'd have this pot sitting on the stove and what if someone came in and said, "Oh, stew!" and sampled some? So it'd be safer to put it in the individual bowl it was going to be served in. But then you'd have to mix it around in the bowl to mix in the poison. And be careful not to lick the spoon after. And what if it got sloshed around the edges of the bowl and didn't look pristine for serving; then you'd have to put it in another bowl. And wash the first one real quick, before you took the poisoned one out for serving. And what gets out poison residue from dishware? Do you just use regular liquid detergent? Maybe you should throw away the bowl. But what if someone finds it in the garbage; then that's evidence. And what if it's the kind of poison that needs to be cooked into the food a little so the victim doesn't taste it? Then we're back to the pot on the stove. Damn, this is tricky.

Yes, I think about this kind of stuff.

Comments

[femmequixotic]

This is why I adore you.

Just saying.

*g*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

And, you know, I couldn't do it in real life, because I'd talk too much about it beforehand. ^_^ *hugs*

[sharp-tongue.livejournal.com]

*snickers at the post title*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Well, it's hardly soft or uncomplicated or any of the other things that would make it "womanish," is it?

Maybe they say that because we know the strengths of diswashing detergents. "Dawn cuts through grease but not nightshade, darling--try Ajax for that."

[djin7.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAH!

There's an old saying that says "You've never really been in love until you have calculated exactly how much arsenic it would take to kill someone."

Ain't it the truth.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

SPORFLE! Omigod, that's priceless. I may need to icon that. &hearts

[ellid.livejournal.com]

One of Dorothy Sayers' mysteries dealt with exactly this, and the solution turned out to be old (but effective): the murderer had gradually built up a tolerance to arsenic, which is medicinal in extremely small quantities. He then poisoned his victim in public, by adding arsenic to *both* their meals (a omelet made at the table in a chafing dish). The victim died, the murderer was fine, and it took some very fancy work by Lord Peter and Miss Climpson to figure it all out....

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Right right right! And hooray for Iocane powder, too. ^_^

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

I always wanted to grow up to be a poisoner. Ah, childhood *g*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

And I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a pirate. Maybe I could have been an astronaut pirate?

[lirren.livejournal.com]

*giggles* See, that's why it's a woman's weapon. A man would never think things through this thoroughly and would thus be caught immediately.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay! Now, that kind of logic I can accept. Or maybe he'd lick the spoon accidentally. ^_^

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

And what if the poison needs numerous applications to do its job, a la the infamous sugared donuts in Flowers in the Attic?

Surely there must be some one-dose something out there that one could just inject into a nice chocolate truffle and would do the job quickly and efficiently, leaving the poisoner with the rest of the (harmless) 1-pound box to hork down at his/her leisure. If not, the "poison in the ear" scheme seems the next tidiest possibility.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Ha, from memory, I can recite, "'Arsenic is white, Cathy, white. When mixed with powdered sugar, you cannot taste its bitterness.'" But of course, the "...poured the poison in the porches of my ears..." speech, I don't have down. Typical!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

What a lovely problem to solve! :-)

I guess I'd use some kind of pie or something else that is served in small units, but not so small that you would put several on one plate. There shouldn't be any chance for leftovers. So I would be able to put the poison in one particular piece of pie and this would be the pie I could easily refuse to eat myself, because I-don't-eat-meat OR I-hate-greens OR I'm-on-a-special-diet. A filling which the to-be-poisoned person would of course *love* to eat. This would also explain why I had to mark the different pies to tell them apart. ;-)

A second helping should consist of totally un-poisoned pies, just in case there would be leftovers.

I'm no expert on dishwashers, though. But I guess with some strong detergent or acid one should be able to clean almost everything. For a more detailed answer on the detection of small traces, please consult Scotland Yard. :-)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I wonder if one can analyse one's kitchen disposal unit for traces of poison? There, that could make a good plot twist!

And in I, Claudius there was a poisoning done by poisoning just one part of a dish that was on the poisoner's plate (mushrooms) and when the victim said, "I'd like some more mushrooms," the poisoner said, "Here, take mine, I've eaten half and don't want any more."

[neotoma.livejournal.com]

Pffe... Just make a salad and make sure you put only domesticated white buttons in yours and Amanita bisporigera in theirs. Use different colored bowls if it will help you keep track of whose is whose. Or give them pokeweed in their salad, but make sure yours is boiled properly and theirs isn't.

Or you could do the neat trick of feeding the victim doses of powdered arsenic over a period of time so that it builds up in their tissues and then *stop* feeding them the arsenic. Their body would dump the build-up and poison them that way. You could do it by giving them 'powdered' donuts.

Or inject thallium into their diet sodas. Those things taste funny anyway, and since you only drink regular soda that explains why you didn't get sick AND why you tossed the diet soda after they died.

Thanks to Sisters in Crime, I could probably come up with a good dozen ways to poison someone.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

Another good salad veg is diffenbachia -- also called dumbcane. It makes the mouth and throat tissues swell closed if a person eats enough of it. And it's apparently no more bitter than raddiccio, really. Best part? Sold at any wal-mart or florist, and completely legal.

Or, better yet, nicotine poisoning -- the patch, a bit of gum, and a regular smoking habit, and a nasty problem's gone for good.

[bagheera-san.livejournal.com]

That's why it's easier to put it in the drink. :D

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Exactly! I think I'd flush the remains of the drink, rather than pour it down the sink. Seems more reliably gone that way. ^_^

[peppery-lime.livejournal.com]

*fails at covering her giggles at work, then has to explain why she's laughing about poison*

It's a good thing that they've already figure out I'm nuts, eh?

And this so has inspried a ficlet.............

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

(I love "they think I'm nuts here at work" comments!) Ooh, I want to see, want to see!

[ixchelmala.livejournal.com]

Well, there's always Frog's Breath... though nothing more suspicious than Frog's Breath;)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*googles Frog's Breath* Shoot, can't find it. Is that like Eye of Newt?

[fleshdress.livejournal.com]

You could accidentally smash the bowl? Still dodgy, but if someone's just writhed and frothed at the mouth and died, you might knock things over as you try to get to them.... but then they could still test the fragments, couldn't they? Hmm.
This is why I couldn't kill people, it requires too much hard work and thought. :/

I think I'd probably just go to littledetails and get their opinion! :)

[fleshdress.livejournal.com]

Erm, wrong little_details.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

Some of the best applications of poison I've ever heard of though didn't have anything to do with food. Like selenium poisoning via mascara or hand lotion, or shampoo. Or mixing cherry bark into tea bags and re-stapling them. Also? Arsenic soap, or sheets or underwear washed therein.

But often, the delivery vehicles are things that are pre-mixed, and so don't require taste testing, like kool-aid, and iced tea. Or else they're in baked goods, which you follow a predictable recipe closely for anyhow.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

No one who saw Elizabeth is gonna forget the poisoned dress scene! Which my historian friends say was total bulls***. ^_^

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Seeing the post title, I was prepared to read... well, not so sure what but definitely not that. :D I just love how your mind works!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

(What a lovely icon!) Well, they also say a woman's weapon is tears, but, y'know, that doesn't kill anyone. Except sloooooowwwwwwwlllllyyyyyyy. ^_^

[ambersnake]

I see your next dinner party will be wildly popular. People just love to live on the edge.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I'll be in the kitchen, calling, "Someone come taste this and tell me if you can still taste the poison in it?" And everyone else'll roll their eyes and say, "Stop making excuses for the lime jello salad!"

[lillian78.livejournal.com]

A weapon of choice for women? Perhaps because women by and large werent treated by society as being fit for anything save cooking, cleaning & bearing children. So, how to do in the very annoying hubby and/or in-laws? Ah ha! Perhaps something grown in your very own garden? You also might not kill on the first application depending upon the strength, amount and how much was ingested. It might take weeks to off someone. You'd have to be very, very careful not to incriminate yourself.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

I think it was called a woman's weapon because it was more cowardly than facing your enemy square on with a club or a knife, so your enemy could defend himself. The implication was that only a woman would be so dishonourable and cowardly. Truth is though, there were just as many men who killed by poison historically. It's just that men wanted to think that only women used it.

[dancing-moon.livejournal.com]

There's always cyanide. Both smell and taste is pretty neat and with nut allergy so common, it's completely not suspicious that you don't taste the cake. Just be careful not to touch the poision itself since it can pass through skin.

Otherwise, everything is poisonous in large enough amounts. It's pretty tragical, but children have been killed by salt poisoning (apparantly people use it to punish naughty kids) and I think it's vitamin B that is deadly in too high a dose?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love almonds and almond flavoring soooo much that I'm convinced I will die by cyanide poisoning someday. "Didn't she notice the smell?" "Not beyond the almond tea, almond cake, and almond gelatin she was already having for dessert."

Salt. Ooh, how devious.

[demonqueen666.livejournal.com]

See, this is the real reason why I haven't killed all the people I hate yet: I'm a lazy ass. Murder is just too hard...

In other news, I recall hearing somewhere that nutmeg is deadly if inserted intraveneously. For me personally, the real question brought up by that statement is how the hell they figured that out.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

the real question brought up by that statement is how the hell they figured that out.

HEE! Oh, man, exactly.

[nadia98.livejournal.com]

Ehehhh...damn, it's so fun to see what people come up with. I've learned alot from this post.
Hmm, thanks for this.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I have too! This is why it's fun not to censor one's thoughts. XD

[nadia98.livejournal.com]

Hah! I just looked up Thallium to see exactly what it does on google and I got an add saying
"THALLIUM. Whatever you're looking for
you can get it on eBay"
Weehe..

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hee, yes, the Google links sometimes look awkward, don't they?

[dien.livejournal.com]

I am far too lazy important to read through all the other comments here and see if this has been said, but I would think the simplest solution to the many and logical problems you put forth is just to use something that has an antidote, and have the antidote on hand for yourself or other accidental poisonings.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Read something a few years back where just about everyone at the feast ate the poison, but everyone also took the antidote, which was in the water. Only the one who was intended to die, who was known to have an aversion to the water, didn't get the antidote.

[jellybean-slash.livejournal.com]

Remind me to never have dinner at your house. O.O

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I'll let YOU bring the food! ^_^

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

In the bottom of the bowl, then stir and add bit by bit, neatly. How to dispose of the bowl... Unless you have servants, is a difficulty. But if you have servants, why would you be cooking?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Um...you have to take up cooking as a hobby, six months before! Right? ^_^

[exbentley]

Just put it on the spoon!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Makes sense! And serve soup with a good film of oily fat on the top, so it all swirls together. ^_^