Another good salad veg is diffenbachia -- also called dumbcane. It makes the mouth and throat tissues swell closed if a person eats enough of it. And it's apparently no more bitter than raddiccio, really. Best part? Sold at any wal-mart or florist, and completely legal.

Or, better yet, nicotine poisoning -- the patch, a bit of gum, and a regular smoking habit, and a nasty problem's gone for good.