Know why I never post on fandomsecrets? I like sharing my shame.

[amanuensis1]

From the trailer, I wanted rather badly to see this film:



...and then I learned the one on the right is not a boy. Now I'm no longer interested.

Migod, could I get any more shallow.

Comments

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

That is kinda sexist, yo.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm freaky that way. If it were two girls or two boys I'd find it intriguing but if it's a girl and a boy together I suddenly don't like it, hyperaware of all the intergender dynamics in the relationship and feeling it sour me.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

That's intriguing. Do you know what about it bothers you?

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Oh, goodness, you sure you wanna hear me go on? I probably don't understand how all of it affects me, but I assume most of it boils down to the cultural power differences between men and women sexually. Men are supposed to want sex, women are supposed to save themselves for marriage, a girl who lets a boy take advantage of her is stupid and then he won't respect her any longer, all that horrible stuff we've been bred to accept. So, girl with girl or boy with boy, no power differences there, no risk of pregnancy (that's HUGE, by the way), no problem. Both of them can initiate sex, like sex, tell the other one what a turn-on they are, perform any sexual act they like, no problem. But if you turn that into a het scene, everything about me rebels, calls the woman stupid for letting him take advantage of her like that, he won't respect her now, he'll think she's a slut, what a stupid stupid girl. My heterosexual fantasies are almost all rape, because that way the girl is not a slut because she didn't want it.

I really don't like being this way.

[persephone-blue.livejournal.com]

My heterosexual fantasies are almost all rape, because that way the girl is not a slut because she didn't want it.

A while back, a friend and I were trying to puzzle out why some women, many of whom consider themselves femminists, often have rape fantasies. Reading that sentence, a light bulb went on. Rape fantasy is not just about non-consensual sex, it's about being both innocent and sexual! I feel all smart, now, for realizing the obvious.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yup, it's about "But I didn't WANT to, he MADE me," tragic as that is.

ETA: I won't discount that there is likely something ingrained in me to find rape fantasies hot beyond that reasoning alone, e.g. "whips and chains excite me!", but I know that "I was forced to; it's not my fault" is a large part of it.

[persephone-blue.livejournal.com]

It's definitely sad, but it's also honest. From a general, social perspective, women are being given a lot of hypocritical messages through media and family. Like, "Okay, you're allowed to be equal to men in theory, but we would really appreciate it if you remain compliant and innocent." Rape fantasies now seem like a perfectly logical answer to this "request" for females to remain pure whatever the circumstances.

"Whips and chains excite me" is an individual reason for a rape fantasy, but "it's not my fault" may be part of a societal concept that's much larger and more deeply ingrained. I love talking about this sort of stuff, though yes, it has a certain edge of conspiracy theory to it.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it makes me angry to recognize this is not some subconscious, subtle message--I was directly told this, again and again, by parents who had had it told to them, again and again. And you believe it and you realize everyone else believes it.

[persephone-blue.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you realized the wrongness of the belief even if your parents didn't. Another step in breaking the chain, hopefully.

[flamingsword.livejournal.com]

I feel sad for you. I was lucky to miss out on most of that cultural conditioning, and very grateful to my mom for moving us into the city and not going back to her family and the Catholic church when she split with my father.

I am SO SO glad I can read porn of every stripe comfortably. :( Good luck on overcoming that, if such is your plan.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

It might be too late for me at this stage. I've confronted the conundrum that my ingrained voice says a woman shouldn't have sex until she's married but that I personally don't want to get married, which leaves me saying, "Um, you may want to try to get past that..." Maybe that voice will one day drown out the ingrained voice? I'd like that.